Me and you used to be really good friends. I know you remember. We used to stay up to midnight or later just to video chat (or just try). I always regarded you at the top of the list. We never even met until just a few months ago, but we were best friends. For a while, you WERE my best friend. I would tell you everything. I remember calling you late at night just to cry and tell you what happened. And you would call me and tell me everything about something, and I would help you, like it was my own problem. We really cared for each other.
Then you got a boyfriend, and you never really were engaged in the conversation anymore. You wouldn’t IM me, text me, and we never talked on the phone. I always had to try and talk to you first. Which was… ok. It didn’t bother me all that much. You had a boyfriend. What could I do. And to top things off, I got a girlfriend, and a selfish one. I never talked to you, and you never talked to me. We grew apart. I can’t say I never thought about you. I missed our friendship, how much we talked and listened and genuinely felt for each other.
We both became single again. We still didn’t talk. I tried to from time to time, but you never answered. Occasionally you did. Our conversations were brief. It’s like that now. You have a boyfriend again, and I know how it goes, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. Because I do. We were the best of friends. What’s not to miss about that?
You are my best friend. You are the absolute most important thing in my entire life. I have so many other people I love, but among them all, you are the top. The thought of getting to see you, even for a little bit, excites me, and keeps me going until the end of this year. No matter how unimportant you feel, I just want to let you know that you will always have a special place in my heart. You say you’ve lost so much but I can always guarantee you that I will be here.
I will never know what it’s like to be you. I don’t know what you have to go through every day, the things you have to deal with. I know it’s hard on you. And I want to let you know I am here for you. I will stay up all night every night talking to you if you can promise me it would help. If I had the power, I would switch places with you and bear your burden, just so you wouldn’t have to. I would do it everyday, any day, and I’m completely serious. I would give up most everything just so you could be happy. I know I can’t. But just remember I would. And how much you mean to me. And how much you will, because I’m not going anywhere. Remember that. I hope it helps when you need it.
as an aside before I start this, I will say I’m using extreem caution and a precise choice of words with this one. I, again, don’t mean for this to come off as offensive.
You were my first “real” girlfriend, and I don’t think I ever let you know that. I dated people before, but you were the first I cared for. Because I did care for you. A lot. I gave you so much of my time and attention. And I regret that. Because the more attention I gave you, the less attention I gave everyone else. I do, in fact, regret giving you my fell attention. From dating you, I did learn something though: I have some great friends, and so many of them love me so much, and they deserve the same respect and love back.
I don’t regret caring for you. I don’t regret spending time with you. I don’t regret all the fun moments we had. But we did get in fights over things. We did bump heads. We weren’t ment for each other, and it just got to us, over and over. I’m sorry I kept it going so long. I’m sorry for every time you got hurt.
I have so much I could say about you now, but nothing I have never already said. I don’t care for you anymore. At least not the way I did. I couldn’t if I tried.
The biggest thing I have to say is… I’m sorry.
We used to have so much fun together. People used to think of us as inseparable friends. You really and truly used to care for me like a brother, and I could trust you with everything ever, as you could with me. You provided a place for me to go if I ever was upset or mad or anything. We had such a great friendship. I miss that. When we just had fun and were there for each other.
A few years ago, you changed. Something big happened, and we really grew apart. Fast. I know what you did. And that’s why our friendship stopped. You broke our trust. And the trust of a lot of other people. And I forgave you. But then you did it again. And it hurt. And again. And I tried, if not was forced, to try and be friends with you. And it couldn’t work. You didn’t care about me, you only cared about the people who ranked you first, and in my mind, you didn’t deserve that.
I miss what we used to be. I don’t miss what you became. I hope you figure everything out, and fast. You have so much potential. I saw it. Others see it. You just have to, and then use it. For your sake, not my own, I hope you get your act together. While I may never talk to you again, and look forward to the day I never have to see you again, and will do my best to assure such, I will always remember you as the person you were to me.
In conjunction with my PoC blog project, I will also be doing one I call Dear X, where I anonymously address people I know and say what’s on my mind about them. These will not necessarily attack people, but they will show my feelings about them, though it will all be done without actually referencing that person. Like anything else I post, these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you don’t necessarily agree, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to offend anyone with this, just open up how I feel about people without actually attacking them.